I know I'm looking in the wrong direction for fulfillment. The world doesn't care about me or my needs. Only You can take care of the desires of my heart. Allow me to feel the joy and contentment that come from being filled with You, Lord. Then my children will also see the truth and seek You. When they know You personally, then my heart will be filled to overflowing.
This has really been heavy on my heart. So many times I find myself trying to find my place in the world and become very discouraged. Then I realize, again, that I can't find my place because it's not where I belong. My place is not in this world, and yet I long so long to belong. I wish I didn't feel this way. I know that God has so much more to offer me than this world, but sometimes I still fight it...it's that whole human nature thing trying to fight through.
I am reminded of Paul's struggle in Romans 7:15-24
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Isn't it wonderful to know that the Lord loves us and is always there to pick us up?
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